“Noah” (2014) … greatest biblical story butchery of all time!

No need for “Spoiler Alert” because nobody should EVER watch this movie. It’s so bad it deserves a second review.

“Noah” (2014) this comes from the same director, Darren Aronofsky (a Conservative Jew), who made some of the worst movie blunders I’ve ever seen, unfortunately. “The Fountain” – first move that actually put me to sleep in the movie theater. I snored and had to be woken up. People around me agreed it was awful. Then there’s “Battlefield Earth” … I walked out on this movie. It was too insulting to watch. “Requiem for a Dream”, “The Wrestler”, “Black Swan”… yuk! You can praise all you want with “Black Swan” it was awful. Aronofsky has this habit of enlisting top caliber actors in his movies hoping it would make it work… fail! He’s officially in my Movie Block List. Never will I watch his movies again! Ever!

Complaints:

1. Adam and Eve didn’t glow like the aliens in Cocoon.
2. There was no magical snake skin that was handed over to Noah!
3. There were NO fallen angels that became walking talking rocks!
4. Oh, the computer graphics sucked! Like very amateur.
5. They didn’t put all the animals to sleep!
6. The whole storyline about Noah plotting mass suicide … or letting everybody dwindle down to the last man… was ridiculous!
7. There were more than one family in the Arc!
8. Noah didn’t built the Arc alone nor was he helped by mystical creatures!
9. God didn’t created a forest for them to be used in building the Arc!
10. There were NO cannibal-like people!
11. Where the heck did Noah manage to get iron chains, cauldron, and what have you if all they were carrying was the clothes on their back?
12. The idea of Noah harvesting grapes to make wine so he can get drunk and feel sorry for himself was insulting!
13. Russell Crowe’s  nudity on the beach was TOO FAR!
14. Cheesy dialogs, bad acting! Not even top caliber cast can save anything.
15. There was no battle for an Arc takeover!

… as a Roman Catholic… born and raised (but not practicing) … I’m greatly offended! A Conservative Jew has no business meddling with a flawed story like Noah. There! Greatest biblical story butchery of all time!

Why was this “movie” even given the green light?!

Movie Rating: Z-

 

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