“NOAH” (2014) … I Rather Have Sex With An Old Hooker!

I’m sorry, I’m gonna swear on this one. This is my “religious” turf and I’ve earned my say (the hard way) on this fucking topic!

“Noah” (2014) … you know what the story is all about. This futile and very flawed attempt at reimagining a popular biblical story is beyond preposterous. I am actually sorry for the top caliber casts who signed up for this shit of a movie. Dialogue was so cheesy. It was grossly inaccurate! The new “characters” they added to the movie only raised my eyebrows more… so much more that if I didn’t press my fingers on it it would have slipped to the back of my head! There were no fucking fallen angels that turned into giant stone monsters! What the fuck?! God didn’t create a fucking forest — ok, technically He did in the grand scheme of things … but… — whatever! There were no mystical creatures and what have you! Do your fucking research before you butcher a fucking story!

The Creationism/Darwin theory combo of the history of everything was the last straw. If not for my company, I would’ve walked out 30 minutes into this fucking “movie”!

Oh so, Noah harvested grapes and made wine so he can get drunk and feel sorry for himself? Fuck you!

Don’t waste your money. This “movie” … I dunno… I feel like strangling somebody… maybe the Director and whoever produced or wrote the fucking crap! Spare me the “creative freedom” or “artistic expression” defense, this is pure garbage to the nth degree!

You’re better off running across a busy freeway than watching this piece of shit.

Rate: Z———-

 

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