I’ve always been goal-driven. It gives me a sense of purpose. I’m no martyr … and these goals are mostly for independence and living life to the fullest. I’m bad at volunteering, as I get tired easily of things … even with things I’m interested in. And I don’t like to do things I’m not happy with.. F that. Charity work, well, that’s another sticky point … abled people who refuse to make hard decisions and sacrifices to help themselves shouldn’t get any help. It’s against everything I’m trying so hard all my life to be … independence.
We can’t have it all. I’ve completed all the big life goals I wanted to do in my life, except for one. One that I’m already resigned to not having. So it’s sort of scary not to have any big goals… no direction. It’s a period I consider myself being in a “rut” … in a limbo. Everything else is fine… but to what end?
There’s always a silver lining. I’m still coming to terms with my family’s recent tragedy … and the chaos it brought upon my kin. It’s a great loss … but it opened up new doors for everybody… well, at least, for me. New ideas are flooding in. And with that, I find comfort … lots of big goals. I’m so excited … it’s time to start doing some research and make plans for the near future.
My parent’s legacy … will live! Their wishes will be realized. Uhm, it’s also a scary thought that they say when people start to make big life decisions… they die. LOL. Well, these are medium life decisions. Ugh.