… are we ready? Is it on? Ok. Cue music (“The Beginning” by RuPaul). ♫♬ “This is the beginning of the record you like. Over and over, over and over!” ♩♪ … (music fade out)…
bluebay700.com is so delighted to publish this fourth edition of #Uhmazing! Uhmazing puts a spotlight on everyday people with amazing talent, great personality, and absolute dedication to their craft. It’s so intense … you can’t take it. When kudos is not enough … it’s Uhmazing!
Here … comes … Robbie!!!
Yass!!! Finally! Universe … I present to you (drum roll) … THE one and only … Robbie Turner! (crash cymbals) (focus spotlight) (standing ovation) (applause) (fangirling) (weep on your knees) (throw tips).
The Robbie Turner
The fabulous Robbie Turner is one of Seattle’s top notch drag entertainer. It is an understatement, I know. She is a certified
triple quintuple sextuple threat (clean your mind, it’s not that!); she can sing, act, dance, host, I bet you … sew!, and do comedy. Oh, and it’s all second nature. No big deal, just oozing with talent … (shrugs) yah. And she’s got the shows to prove it too! Yes, that’s right … “shows”, plural. She is a very polished queen in so many ways … attitude, look, style, and shtick.
Tangent time: I didn’t know who is Robbie Turner until that fateful night on March 16, 2013 9:13PM PST. (“dream” wavy effect) (echoing narration) I went to R Place in Seattle, WA that warm Saturday night to attend the club’s MARCH DRAGNESS event which featured performances by an All Star Lashes cast and headlined by RuPaul’s Drag Race (RPDR) Season Five star, Detox Icunt. I printed my VIP ticket years before, lol only days … many days before, and I wanted to make sure I get the best seat … second row and window seat, – for safety and easy viewing (who wants to watch a drag show straight-on anyway? Rookies. It’s not a movie, you will want to see their best profile and contouring … at three quarters! But I digress.). So I dragged my companion to the club forty five minutes before the doors opened to do reconnaissance and terrain assessment, lol. It’s war! It got packed, fast! Drama ensued. Anyway, Lashes cast and guest performers did their thing one after the other … there where ten performances excluding Detox’s. The performances were all fantastic, and nobody broke a leg. Anyway, Robbie Turner (or “RT” for this piece) caught my attention. It’s not that she was painted for the gawds or that she did an amazing Liza Minnelli performance … no, not those. It’s her shtick and the subtle nuances that she makes. I learned later on that it’s her “trademark” to jump onto unsuspecting male audience members (or security staff), hump their neck, and/or drag them to the stage and make them join her in an impromptu dance routine that involves lifting her, spinning her, carrying her around, and/or miming phone conversations with her. From where I was seated, I thought it was an amazing spectacle. But deep down inside, I was terrified … my family jewels retracted, lol. #stageFright! … is there anything worse? Bring me a great white shark! I mean, I need rehearsals, scripts, and cue cards to do anything remotely on stage (cough). So I applauded her and the lucky patrons who had their 95 seconds taste of fame. Other than that cutting edge performance … I thought she was so hilarious … Robin Williams (RIP) will dig her bits. No pun intended. I was laughing out loud, like for real. I cried, literally. Great comedy topic … lesbians, Christians, donations, gay marriage, audience’s life story, etc. It’s unpredictable! It sounded fresh, clean, and amusing. It had just the right amount of toilet humour (or green joke). Her comedic timing is excellent … and the faces that she made were icing to the gag … (baulling). I’m telling you, she can do a joke without uttering a word! I’ve seen this happen. Bottom line is … I was impressed.
“Who is this RT?” I asked myself (I gotta use that abbreviation at least once, eh?) lol. I wanted to meet her after the show after Detox’s meet and greet, but she disappeared into the woods … lol, I mean, backstage… never to be seen again, by me, until the next RPDR headlined show (Ed: This tangent is getting way to long dear). I had a few chances of having my photo taken with her, but I usually froze or I look inhuman when I look at the shots. So I end up burning them. She was very “hard to reach” … like some Vancouver queens, though for another reason – e.g. scheduling conflicts (Jem). It’s the truth gurr. Why is RT “hard to reach”? She’s very intimidating. Not that she’s a diva or anything; she’s just … emanating a star-like force field. That’s one indication of a big freakin’ star! It takes a lot of strength (and/or booze) not to stutter around real talent. Celebrities, including RuPaul, mentioned this time and time again that, paraphrasing, “fans (they meet) who are overly excited can be off-putting.” Well, they should try walk in our … sneakers. It takes a lot of guts and will-power to act “normal” around people who are famous. It’s a normal human reaction. Some queens are easier to befriend, like those belonging to the same race … or (pause), I’ll get back to you on this. Let’s put it this way … there are just some ice that are hard to break. So my strategy was … subtly stalking her, LOL. Cat is out of the bag! Thank the Greek gods for Twitter, right? Facebook, blah, that’s tough … you can’t really casually add anyone as a “friend” if you don’t know them … and I don’t like to just add people unless there’s a compelling case. So after following her on social media for a while, and being nice in her shows, I thought I should try anyway – I mean, she won’t add me! I did and … so eighteen months after I first saw RT perform at R Place (or 563 days, 22 hours, 8 minutes and 0 seconds to be exact), I finally made progress, LOL, (pause) believe it! I saw her potential for greatness … and I openly talked about it, and guess what? (happy dance – River Dance meets Line Dance) ♩♪ I knew it! I knew it! I knew it! ♫ ♬
Robbie Turner is a well-rounded drag entertainer, but I think her biggest HUGEST strength is her comedic timing – her natural gift of comedy. All she really need is an audience and a microphone. Bam! There’s your show. No script needed. I would dare say she can go head-to-head with Bianca Del Rio at funny. Trust!
Tangent time: One time, Shangela and Alyssa Edwards did a gig at R Place (March 15, 2014), and for some reason, (I won’t tell) … it took Shangela a while to get ready for her number. So, RT took the microphone and did her thing to stall the show. Thank you Shangela! It was one of the funniest impromptu stand-up I’ve ever seen! I was crying and had cramps as a result.
As I was hashing my short-list of candidates for the fourth edition of Uhmazing!, Robbie Turner was a very easy choice. And after having laid all the groundwork for the past eighteen months (or 48,722,880 seconds), I thought I may have a shot at pitching this project to her. I did and she was so gracious! And here we are! Of course, this didn’t happen without any incident … read all about it later in my other article entitle … “I ripped my pants, literally.”
So who is The Robbie Turner? What makes her tick? Is she related to the media mogul? What is her secret? Well universe … all that and more will be revealed in … 3 … 2 … 1 … (rev engine) (cue “Fly Tonight” ~RuPaul feat. Frankmusik … “♫ ♬ Take me up (high). Gonna fly tonight. Take me up (high) … gonna fly tonight. Take me up, u-u-u-u-up ♩♪”) (music fade out)